


When I Was

by CloudieDraws



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Dick Grayson and Jason Todd are Siblings, Dick Grayson loves his little brother(s), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, He Gets Many, Hurt/Comfort, I've always wanted to use that tag, Jason Todd Being a Little Shit, Jason Todd Gets A Hug, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, in which I decide fuck canon, it's no surprise, little Jason does not appreciate Wally, no beta we die like robins, tragically, we know who the major character death is, you can pry Jason's happy childhood from my cold dead hands let me boy be happy damnit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:00:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27152143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloudieDraws/pseuds/CloudieDraws
Summary: When Jason was three years old, his dad took him to the circus. It's the best day of his life.When Jason is three years old, he hides under the bleachers and watches an older boy play with a little elephant.When Jason is three years old, he finds family.
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Jason Todd
Comments: 18
Kudos: 281





	1. Just a Boy

Jason is three years old when his dad manages to scrape up a few extra bucks to take him to the circus. He doesn’t question where the money came from, doesn’t care that it likely came through some not so good methods, because he’s going to the circus.

He doesn’t get to play any of the games. They don’t have enough extra money for that, but they manage to get into the tent where the acrobats are performing.

It’s there that Jason sees the Flying Graysons for the first time. They look so happy and free flying around in the air like that. Jason sees the two adults hug their son close, carry him around once the show is over, present him to fans like he’s the star of the show, and Jason wonders if that’s what all parents are supposed to be like or if they’re just weird. His mom holds him close sometimes, when she isn’t too far out of it because of her meds. Dad isn’t home a lot, and when he is, Jason usually tries to stay out of his way. His dad usually isn’t too happy to see him anyway.

Today though, his dad was so happy when he came home and announced they’d be going out to the circus. It’d be in the city for a few days and he managed to make just enough money to have some left over for a couple tickets. Jason didn’t question it, just happy to spend some good time with his dad while he’s in a good mood.

The mood sours when his dad meets some of his “work buddies” after the show. Jason doesn’t like that, doesn’t like the way they get touchy, and he sneaks away the moment he sees them ordering a round of beer. His dad shoos him away anyway, so he doesn’t worry about it too much.

He wanders around, looking at all the toys he’ll never be able to afford, and avoiding the larger crowds so that no one tries to grab him. 

He goes back to the tent where the acrobats were performing. He sneaks in under the bleachers and watches as the other works move around the animals. Most of them seem to have special caretakers that guide them around, but there’s an elephant, rather small compared to the larger ones he’d seen earlier, with a boy on it’s back. It doesn’t take him look to recognize him as the boy with the Flying Graysons. He’s cuddled to the elephant’s back, letting the elephants trunk pat him.

Jason watches them in awe, wondering how the boy got so lucky to get a pet elephant of all things. He has a little dog, he named him Sparky, and the dog isn’t really his but once in a while he’ll manage to sneak it into the apartment without anyone noticing and they play together until his dad notices the pup and kicks it out again. 

He can’t stop the whispered “wow,” that escapes him, but it doesn’t escape the older boy’s notice either, because he immediately looks over and spots him.

Jason immediately runs, not wanting to risk the older boy’s wrath. He knows what happens when he does something he’s not supposed to. His dad is never happy with him when he gets caught. The problem is, there aren’t a lot of places to hide in such an open space.

It isn’t long before the older boy catches up, obviously quicker and used to the area. Jason immediately covers his head, expecting to be hit, but after a minute and no attack, he looks up to find the boy looking curiously down at him.

“Are you lost?” the boy asks. Jason shakes his head nervously, because he knows where his dad is, and he knows how to find his way back, he just doesn’t want to. “I noticed you looking at Zitka and I. Want to come say “hi” to her?”

Jason knows he should say no. The boy looks nice, black hair perfectly styled and blue eyes bright, but a lot of other kids in his area look nice and end up being mean anyway. But he really wants to see the elephant, and he thinks that would be worth whatever beating he gets, so he nods and allows the boy to grab his hand and drag him back towards the elephant.

The boy’s grip is firm, and can’t be that much older, but he’s definitely stronger. Jason is three, he knows his age, and maybe he doesn’t know all his numbers yet but he knows this boy is older than three. His hand is bigger, a darker, more olive tone to Jason’s lighter tan. His hands are warm and a bit rough, but so are Jason’s so that isn’t too weird.

“Her name is Zitka, and she’s my favorite elephant. I mean, I love all of them. Elinore is really nice too, but Zitka is my best friend so I spend most of my time with her. Here, go ahead and pet her,” the boy says, placing Jason’s own hand on the elephant before he can protest.

He isn’t sure how to describe her skin. It’s kind of soft but also very hard. Jason likes how it feels. He moves back a bit when she lifts her trunk up to his face, but the boy is behind him and it keeps him from moving too her. She exhales and it ruffles the hair on his forehead. It makes him laugh, and the boy behind him laughs with him as he pets her.

“See? She’s super nice. By the way, my name is Dick. What’s your name?”

Jason hesitates, but the boy hasn’t given him a reason to be scared, so he peaks up at him from his bangs and tells him. “I’m Jason. I’m three.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Jason. How would you feel about riding on Zitka’s back?”

Jason doesn’t hesitate to tell him yes, and he and Dick spend the next while playing around with Zitka before Dick is called away by his parents and Jason figures it’s about time to get back to his dad.

He gets smacked for wandering off, despite his dad having dismissed him, but he thinks it’s worth it in the end.

He goes back to the circus the next day, sneaking past the booth people are lined up to pay at, and goes straight for the tent where he knows Dick and Zitka will be. Dick is performing with his parents again, and Jason hides under the bleachers behind rows of feet and watches in pure fascination once more.

He waits there for the show to end, keeps waiting until people start to clear out, before he ventures out to meet up with his new friend.

Dick smiles down at him, kind and warm. He looks happy to see him, and Jason doesn’t think he’s ever seen anyone look at him like that. 

“You came again! Come on, Zitka will be happy to see you! I mean, I am too, but we can’t leave her out, you know? We’re all friends now,” Dick says, immediately grabbing his hand and leading him away. Jason doesn’t protest. He holds Dick’s hand just a bit tighter, happy that someone is happy to be around him.

They spend the afternoon playing, until Dick has to do another show, and he’s allowed to wait with Zitka for him to come back. 

He doesn’t know how long he stays there with Dick. The sun is beginning to set when Dick asks him when his parents are coming to pick him up, and Jason tells him that he can get home on his own, and he does. He leaves not long after, because he has to get there before his dad does, and he has to make sure mom is okay.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

The Graysons are in Gotham for some days. Jason doesn’t know exactly how many, he still hasn’t learned the days of the week or all of his numbers, but he knows they have been here for more than three. 

He spends every day that they’re in the city playing with Dick and Zitka. They like him, and he likes them.

Sometimes he waits with Zitka and Elinore if she isn’t performing, testing against the smaller elephant’s side until Dick comes back. Dimes John and Mary Grayson beat Dick back, and they do handstands and other tricks to make him clap. Dick will come rushing back and sit beside him, and they’ll both watch together. Sometimes Dick will join his parents in their little show just for him and their elephants.

Other times, Jason will go hide under the bleachers to watch their performance in the air, wishing he could join them up there. Dick says he’ll teach him how to fly on the trapeze just like him, and Jason can’t wait. 

On the last day the circus is in town, and he knows this because Dick looks at him all sad and tells him that, he watches from under the bleachers. He watches their final performance while in this city. 

It ends up being their last performance ever. 

Jason knows about death. He lives in Crime Alley. He knows it happens and what it means, but he’s never seen it happen, and looking at the pool of blood forming beneath John and Mary’s broken bodies, he knows he never wants to see it again. 

He tries to get to Dick, to be with him, but he’s blocked by all the people running and screaming out of the tent. Jason gets pushed out with the crowd, and instead goes to curl up beside Zitka to wait for Dick to come back.

He doesn’t.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________

Jason is seven years old now. He can count now, because he goes to the local public elementary school. It’s not a good school, half the teachers hate working there and even more of the students hate going, but Jason loves the chance to learn and be away from home. 

His dad got out of jail on parole again. Jason knows it isn’t going to last long again, but he can’t wait for them to take him back. Jason is good at finding things to pawn off or stealing money to pay rent. He can take care of himself and his mom alone without his dad around. 

There are times that Jason wonders what would have happened had the Graysons not died that day. He dreams of them taking him away with them to the circus sometimes, and though it makes him sad to leave him mom all alone, he longs for the care that they always showed. 

It’s nothing more than a dream though. They’re long gone and Jason has to take care of his mom and keep her safe.

His dad is home when he gets out of school, and he isn’t happy. There’s no beer and they’re late with their rent again. That means it’s Jason’s fault. He doesn’t fight back when his dad smacks him and promptly kicks him back out, yelling that he can come back when he earns his place in the house. 

That means that Jason is likely sleeping outside until he can find enough to cover this month’s rent, and probably the next. 

It happens. He won’t be going to school for the next few days, he knows that much. It’s not unusual. 

What is unusual is running into Robin that night when he’s digging through a dumpster for something to eat.

It isn’t so much as running into as it is Robin falling into the dumpster. 

The older boy looks at him in what Jason can only assume is confusion because of the mask over his eyes, but there’s something distinctly familiar about him.

Robin looks like his about to say something to him because he hears Batman call for him, and Jason cowers amongst the filth to hide from the bat. 

Everyone knows the Bat beats up criminals, and Jason was born a criminal. It’s what happens to everyone from Crime Alley. 

Robin looks reluctant to leave, but he does, and Jason waits until their shadows disappear before he climbs out and goes to search elsewhere.

It isn’t the last time he sees Robin. He doesn’t know if the older boy knows he’s watching, but Jason is observant. He has to be if he wants to survive. Crime Alley is unforgiving if you aren’t careful. He sees Robin flip around, see’s him swing around the rooftops, and he can’t help but feel like it looks familiar.

Sometimes Robin gets closer, not by much, but Jason feels the eyes on him. It’s the toughest few days of Jason’s life, because he can’t pick pocket with a vigilante watching him, so he spends more time in dumpsters trying to find things to pawn off.

It takes him 2 days longer than it usually does to gather the money his dad wants, but he manages to do it, and he hopes that Robin isn’t watching when he returns home and his dad pulls him by his hair back into the apartment and takes the money.

He dreams of the Flying Graysons that night, of playing with Dick and Zitka and watching John and Mary perform little tricks for them. He dreams of the warmth, forgets about how cold the room is and the fact that he has no blanket to protect him from it. 

He wakes up thinking that Robin’s flips remind him a lot of Dick’s.

He wakes up with a soft, clean blanket draped over him. He doesn’t know where it came from, but he thinks he might.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________

Jason is eight when he finds his mother dead on the bathroom floor. He did his best to keep her aline, he really did, but he wasn’t enough to keep her from her addiction. His dad is back in jail and he hasn’t seen Robin around in weeks, so he’s completely alone again.

He stays in the apartment for as long as he can, until her body starts to smell and the landlord comes knocking for both the rent and complaints about the odor. Jason leaves through the window, with the clothes on his back and whatever little bits of food that isn’t rotten in a little bag. 

It’s late August now. Jason knows he won’t be returning to school that year. He settles that night beside a dumpster, hidden behind piles of trash so that no one finds him. He doesn’t return the next night, or else someone will notice the habit and attack him. 

Every night following, he finds a new place, or sometimes returning to a random old one after a few days have passed so that no one will recognize him. He goes days at a time without food, trying to ration what little he has or can find, but he’s already used to surviving on as little as possible.

A few months after living in whatever alley he deems safe for the night, he finds a run down apartment building that no one lives in. The place looks ready to collapse in on itself, and Jason thinks it’s perfect to hide away in. He sneaks in through the fire escape, through the window on the second floor, and there’s a stained ratty looking mattress and a couple other things laying around but it’s more than enough. This will get him through the rest of winter.

He makes the place more permanent, lets himself leave his food bag there while he goes out to search for more, or steal enough money to buy some necessities. He wants to avoid stealing as much as possible, and he doesn’t always have the tools to pull it off. Pickpocketing is easy, no one pays much attention to a kid like him in these parts anyway. It’s even easier at night if the idiots are drunk and have no idea what’s going on.

It’s nearly a year into living on his own that he sees Robin again. He knows the older boy has been back in Gotham for longer than that, but he travels between here and wherever else he goes often and Jason rarely sees him anymore, especially not in this area.

But Robin is in Crime Alley tonight, likely following Batman around, and he knows he shouldn’t get too close, he’s had near constant dreams of the Flying Graysons and Robin always makes him feel like he’s still close to them, like he could still be with them.

Robin notices him easily, and approaches him before Jason can think of getting closer. The teen smiles down at him, asks him what he’s doing there, and Jason looks up at him with a hope that should be long gone.

“You remind me of some good people I used t’know,” Jason says. “You can do all the cool flips and stuff like they did.”

“That’s awesome! I bet they weren’t as good as me though,” Robin boasts. It makes Jason feel a protective flare, because no one would ever be as good as the Flying Graysons.

“They were the best! Way cooler! They used to fly and they had elephants and they always used to let me sneak in and play and they’re way cooler than you!”

“Do you remember their names? Maybe the elephants?” Robin asked him, voice getting a bit lower. 

“They were the Flying Graysons. They came to Gotham when I was kid and Dickie let me play with Zitka and he never came back,” Jason replies. “Elinore was cool too but Zitka was small and liked to play more.”

Robin sucks in a harsh breath and looks towards Batman who is approaching them now. Jason hides behind the teen, not trusting Batman to not hurt him. 

“B,” Robin says, looking up at the masked man. “We gotta help him. We have to bring him with us.”

“What?! No! I’m fine on my own! I don’t need help!”

“Jason, please,” Robin says softly. Jason freezes, because he knows for a fact that he never told Robin his name, and the way he says it sounds too much like the boy he once knew. It’s a vague memory only in his dreams, but he knows it. 

“It’s you, ain’t it? Tell me something only he would know,” Jason demands. Robin smiles down at him.

“You used to hide under the bleachers during shows instead of waiting with Zitka like I told you to, and you’d sneak back to her just before it ended. Mom and Dad would come back and do a bunch of tricks for us. One time, Haly accidentally freaked out Dad while he was juggling and one of the balls hit him right in the forehead and left a bright red mark.”

Jason feels his eyes swell with tears, and he knows he’s not supposed to cry. He’s a tough guy and they aren’t supposed to cry, but a tear escapes anyway before he can stop it and the rest follow. 

“You never came back,” he whimpers pathetically. He feels Robin’s arms come around his shoulders to pull him close. “You didn’t come back and Zitka left too and the Dad came back and now mom’s gone and you left and never came back.”

“I did, Jay. I’m back, I promise.”

Jason doesn’t notice the look Batman and Robin give each other over his shoulder, too busy crying his eyes out like a little wimp. He doesn’t care as much as he thought he would though, because it’s nice to be back with the boy he always hoped would be family.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________

Bruce Wayne is Batman. He adopted Dick Grayson after his parents were killed by a mobster wanting money from the circus. Jason wants to hate him for taking Dick away from him, but Bruce is really just an awkward guy trying to do something good for this hell city and Jason can’t fault him for that.

Dick Grayson is Robin, and he’s the one that left Jason that blanket in his old apartment. Dick wasn’t upset when he told him he lost it, because he couldn’t take it with him when he had to leave the place. Dick just tells him that he’ll get him as many blankets as he wants now. Dick tried to watch over him as much as he could, but Jason admittedly did not make it easy for anyone to track him, especially not after his mom’s death.

That, and Dick goes between Gotham and Happy Harbor in who knows what state very often. He couldn’t always keep track of Jason’s whereabouts, but he at least tried.

“After a while, I thought maybe you’d been put in the foster system or adopted, but there was nothing in your file and I couldn’t find you anywhere so I looked around whenever I had the chance,” Dick says to him. “You’re going to be tough to beat at hide and seek, huh?”

“I’m definitely beating your ass at hide and seek, Dickie,” Jason replies, ignoring the quiet scolding from Alfred.

That’s another new person in Jason’s life. Alfred is a close second to Dickie, because Alfred talks back to everyone and no one says anything to him for it, and he makes really good food. The first night when Bruce and Dick had brought him to the cave and told Alfred they’d be taking him in, Alfred gave him a sandwich as a “late night snack.” Jason had never heard of such a thing, but he did know that if he went to Alfred and told him he was hungry, the butler would immediately start making him something to eat. Sometimes he even let Jason help.

Dickie started helping him with school after he told Bruce that he hadn’t been to school in over a year. Jason doesn’t mind the tutoring, because it means that Jason can finally go back to school, and not only that, but instead of some random school, he’s going to Gotham Academy. Dickie ruffles his hair whenever he gets a question right, and though Jason complains that it’s annoying and messes up his hair, he never fails to lean into the soft touch.

Jason is nine years old when he is officially adopted by Bruce Wayne. He even willingly changes his last name to Wayne, because why would he want to keep “Todd” when all it did was cause him problems? Dick doesn’t change his last name, but Jason and Bruce don’t question it, knowing that it’s the last real connection he has to his parents, and Willis and Catherine weren’t great parents, but John and Mary most certainly were. Jason briefly considered changing his name to Grayson instead of Wayne, to make his childhood dreams come true, but the names rhymed and it annoyed him. Dickie thought it was hilarious, but accepted his reasoning.

“A last name doesn’t change anything,” he says, hugging him close when they get all of the new papers from the court.

He’s nine years old when Dickie keeps his promise to teach him how to fly on the trapeze. It takes some time, but Jason is nothing if not a hard worker, and seeing the smile on both Bruce’s and Dick’s faces when he sticks the landing makes him happier than anything.

He’s ten years old when he first meets Dick’s team. Artemis is immediately his favorite, because she doesn’t stand for anyone’s nonsense, and Kid Flash is his least favorite because he stole some of Jason’s food and Jason does not take well to people taking food from him.

It causes a panic attack, one that Dick quickly calms him from. Jason has been living with Bruce for two years now, and he’s never gone without food since, but prior to that he’d gone 8 years without knowing when he’d eat next and he’s still terrified of the day it happens again.

Kid Flash apologizes profusely, but Jason doesn’t really want to forgive him. Not until he buys him a couple burgers to make up for it. He forgives him then, but Jason still keeps him at the bottom of the list in fear the speedster will do it again. Dickie, once more, thinks it’s hilarious and laughs at his best friend’s pain. 

M’gann is nice, and she asks before trying to look into his head. Jason says no, and he’s grateful that she doesn’t try to push it. Kaldur is really nice, but he’s too strict for Jason’s taste. Bruce and Alfred are strict too, but Bruce is also really awkward and lets him get away with stuff all the time, and Alfred makes him a lot of food and reads with him so Jason allows the strictness. 

He likes Conner almost as much as he likes Artemis, because he also takes no nonsense from anyone and he has all the same powers as Superman but he’s not as stuck up.

“I mean, he’s cool and all ‘cause he’s Superman and wow but he also seems like the kinda guy that would tell me to eat my veggies because it’s good for me even though he gets all his powers from the freaking sun so he’d be strong with or without the veggies. Not that I’m really picky, but if I can avoid some cauliflower I will,” Jason explains. Dickie is snickering beside him and Conner looks a mix of confused and awed. “Would you make me eat cauliflower?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever actually eaten cauliflower, so I probably shouldn’t recommend something I might not even like,” Conner replies.

Jason nods up to Dick, like Conner isn’t even there now, and says, “Yeah, he’s definitely cooler than Superman. Besides, who wants to live in Metropolis?”

“You realize that Metropolis is a safer city than Gotham, right?” Dick asks.

“Yeah, but Metropolis doesn’t have Batman and Robin.”

Dickie’s argument ends there, because his grin is wide and happy and he honestly doesn’t want to give a counter-argument.   
_________________________________________________________________________________________

Jason is twelve when Dick hands over the Robin mantle to him and becomes Nightwing. Jason hadn’t really expected it, he’d thought he’d come up with his own costume and his own name, but when Dick explains to him the meaning behind the name and suit and it’s connection to the Flying Graysons, Jason has no shame in admitting that he cried into his big brother’s stomach. Dickie laughs at him, but it’s warm and watery.

Jason promises him that he’ll make him proud.

Dickie promises him that he’s already proud, and there’s nothing he can do to change that.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________

Jason Wayne is fifteen years old when he dies at the hands of the Joker. He didn’t think he could take him alone, he hadn’t even known the Joker was there. It was a mission gone wrong in every sense of the word and he had no way of getting out of it. 

His last thoughts as the bomb goes off are all apologies, to Alfred, to Bruce, and to the team. The last is saved for Dick, in shame that he’ll be ruining the Robin legacy with his failure.

He hopes he ends up with John and Mary instead of Willis, Catherine, and Sheila.

Jason dies at fifteen, alone with his head hung low and defeat marked in every broken bone in his body.

Dick is twenty-one when he learns that he’s once more the last Grayson.


	2. Just a Lost Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick's family grows, and his heart begins to heal, but the wound will always remain.  
> Luckily for him, no mission ever goes the way it's supposed to, and sometimes that's a good thing.

Dick is twenty two when he meets Tim Drake. The thirteen year old tells him that he knows his, Jason, and Bruce’s secret identities. He even knows Barbara’s. He figured it out because he saw an old video of The Flying Graysons on TV as a kid and saw Dick as Robin pull the same stunts. It wasn’t hard to connect the dots after Bruce adopts Dick and Robin shows up that Bruce Wayne is Batman and Dick Grayson is Robin.

Then Bruce Wayne adopts Jason Todd. 

Jason was made to wait four years before he was allowed on the streets, but it was never because he wasn’t good enough. Jason spent the entire time training and learning. He helped in the cave, was the voice in their ears with Alfred. Jason worked with Batman and Robin and Batgirl and he was ready at any time to get out there.

But none of them were in a rush to get him out there, not even Jason. He loved helping people, that was never a question, but Jason never had a steady life, nor did he have a good childhood, so they all felt it was best he waited before going out.

Jason never disagreed. The boy was happy to spend more time catching up on school and joining clubs. He helped in Mount Justice during his free time or trained with all types of heroes. He was more than ready.

Then a mission came, around the same time that Jason discovered that Catherine was not his birth mother. He didn’t do anything about it, more than content staying with his new family in Gotham, but when he discovers that the Joker is smuggling bombs into the refugee camp she was working at, he becomes desperate to help her.

They couldn’t have known Joker was waiting in the warehouse for him, or that his mother would trade him to the clown for her own safety. They wouldn’t have known any of it if it hadn’t been for the camera in his suit, recording everything.

Dick still catches Bruce watching it every so often, torturing himself with his loss. 

It’s for that reason that Dick spends all of his time either in Bludhaven or Happy Harbor. He loves Bruce, but even a year after Jason’s death, he’s only gotten worse to deal with. Dick can’t say he’s been much better, but he tries, redirects his focus to the team and Bludhaven. It keeps his mind busy, most of the time, but being with the team makes it hard to not see Jason everywhere.

Tim Drake, this thirteen year old boy, shows up at his door demanding that Batman needs a Robin, that he needs to go back and become Robin again.

Dick doesn’t even want to look at the suit again. He doesn’t know if he can handle ever putting it on again, not after what it did to Jason. He tells Tim as much, tells him that Batman has a whole team to work with him, he doesn’t need Robin. Batman needs to stop being a stubborn ass and ask an adult for help. 

Tim doesn’t like that answer, but he leaves anyway.

A few months later, Dick and Bruce are in trouble, and Tim shows up in a Robin suit he put together himself to save the day.

It makes Dick want to throw up. Tim isn’t supposed to be out on the streets, but Bruce accepts him as his partner, with the condition that he must go through extensive training before he’s allowed out again. Dick leaves quietly, not having the energy to argue, and he doesn’t think he can take seeing the shine in Tim’s eyes much like Jason’s.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________

Jason thinks he’s fifteen when he wakes up in a tiny cushioned box. His whole body aches and it’s hard to breathe. The last thing he remembers is being in the warehouse with the bomb.

“Dick! Bruce!! Wing, please! Dad! Get me out!!”

He calls everyone, but it’s getting harder to breathe and he has to get out. His hands hurt and no amount of clawing and scratching changes the lid of his coffin. He undoes his belt, ignores the pain, and keeps digging at it until the wood breaks and dirt falls on his face.

Air. He needs air. He keeps digging and clawing until he’s out and walking on unsteady legs. 

He’s stopped by bright lights and held by warm hands. There’s shouting, confusion, but the voices are unfamiliar. He doesn’t know what to do but asks for his brother.

“D....ck....Gray.....son...”

He blacks out.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________

Dick Grayson is twenty three when Tim Drake officially becomes Robin. He tries to teach him to the best of his ability, to be there for him as much as possible, but looking at the suit hurts more than he can describe. Whenever he trains Tim, at least in the cave, they’re out of uniform.

No one on the team is prepared to meet the new Robin. They don’t shun him, they treat him kindly, but there’s no denying the sadness in their eyes when they see Tim. Dick catches more than one of them in the grotto often enough, standing before Jason’s hologram like he’ll just appear with all his energy and random, sarcastic chatter. He does the same, he never stops hoping he could’ve changed his little brother’s fate, but he doesn’t let that stop him from treating Tim just the same. Tim didn’t deserve to deal with his personal problems.

But he didn’t watch Tim grow up. He’s never lived with Tim. He didn’t have to tutor Tim in math and history and reassure him that he's smart. He just needs help catching up, because it’s not his fault he didn’t have parents to take care of him and send him to school. It’s not his fault that he had to be the grown up and take care of his own mother. No, Tim grew up in a warm home, absent parents, but at least a roof over his head. He had someone to make sure he went to school and got at least three meals a day.

Dick loves Tim, he does. Tim is his little brother and he’s promised to take care of him. Tim isn’t Jason, the only similarity they have is their drive to help others. Jason is gone and none of that is Tim’s fault. He does his best to focus on Tim and Tim’s needs without thinking of what it would’ve been like if Jason were still there. 

Everything only gets more difficult with the team believing that Kaldur is a traitor and Artemis is dead. Dick and Wally know the truth, and it isn’t easy to keep it from the rest of the team, but they manage for the good of everyone involved. None of it is easy, and every day proves to be more and more challenging. Tim is doing incredibly well as Robin, proving to be a valuable asset to the team, and the team loves working with him, old and new members alike. 

There’s so much going on that Dick thinks maybe he can begin to heal, maybe he can allow himself to let Jason rest. He doesn’t, he doesn’t think he ever will, but he allows himself to think of it less at the very least. He visits the grotto less and less, and only goes to Jason’s grave on the anniversary of his death now. He still actively avoids the memorial Bruce put up in the cave. He’s caught Tim talking to it sometimes, more so while he’d been training to become Robin, but Dick can’t stand the sight of it.

Life goes on, new heroes join the team, others move on to live ordinary lives or join the Justice League. 

Before he knows it, Dick is twenty-six, dealing with so many things, and the last thing he needs is the new recruits getting ahead of themselves and attacking Infinity Island of all places.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________

He doesn’t know how old he is. He doesn’t remember what his name is. He can barely process the names of those around him. He knows their faces, and knows that they seem to know him, but they don’t give him a name for himself. He can recognize them, but not their relation to him, but he stays because they know him and they are now all that he knows.

There is one they call Sensei who trains him. He doesn’t like the training, doesn’t like the pain, but he endures because they’ve given him a place to sleep and food to eat. So he tolerates the pain and continues to train. His body knows many things his brain does not, and he allows it to move as it pleases.

There is a man named Ra’s. The man has labeled himself his master, whom he is meant to always obey. The man always reminds him that he belongs to Ra’s, that he is to always obey, follow every command, or punishment will follow disobedience. He does not question it, cannot question it, so he follows.

And then, there is the woman, Talia, with her child. Talia is his favorite, because while he does also train him, he also pulls him to the side at night to sit with her and her son. She tells them stories of a man, a bat, a detective, she says. He doesn’t know if all three are meant to be one, but he doesn’t ask questions. He sits, and listens, and when she is finished, he retreats to his assigned room and sleeps until he is to awake for further training.

This is his routine, this is the life he knows and does not question, until a group of outsiders invade the island. He is told to fight, so he fights, he attacks, and does so until he is told to retreat. The entire time, the one he is fighting, the one with the blue bird on his chest, feels familiar to him. He feels more familiar than anyone in the last few years has felt, and he doesn’t want to be away from him.

So he does something, before his mind can process, that he knows his supposed master would not like. As the blue bird goes to leave, he grabs onto his arm. He holds on, his grip tight, and feels his throat burn in.

“Gray....son...,” he says, the first words he’s spoken since he remembers being conscious.

“Boy,” Ra’s hisses, but it does nothing to deter him, not when he feels so close to really knowing something. Instead, his grip tightens, and the blue bird man is looking at him with a mouth wide with shock.

“Gray...son...”

“You... Jason?” He whispers. He steps closer, and before anyone can stop him, the blue bird rips the mask off his face and stares. 

There’s shouting around them, coming from everywhere, and he, Jason apparently, pays no attention to any of it as the blue bird, Grayson, pulls him closer and holds him tighter. In the end, Grayson lifts him and drags him to a ship. Jason doesn’t protest, doesn’t put up a fight. He allows himself to be taken away by this man who feels more familiar than anything Jason has ever known.

Jason doesn’t know how old he is, but he knows his name now, and being with the person still holding him makes him feel warm.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________

Dick Grayson is twenty-six and he feels like despite everything going wrong, everything feels so right.

Somehow, by some miracle, his first little brother is alive. He knows he should be more worried, more concerned by the how, but he feels too high on pure happiness that nothing else matters. The others have tried reasoning with him, telling him that they can’t yet truly be sure that this is Jason, because they all knew of Jason’s death, were all there for his funeral, but they’ve never known Jason the way he did. Jason has been his little brother since he was three and Dick was eight. They may have spent years apart, but the feeling has never been lost. This is his little brother, and he’ll be damned if he’s taken from him again.

He registers Tim by his side, silent and unsure, and Dick looks at him over Jason’s shoulder with a reassuring smile. Tim is also his little brother, and Jason being back doesn’t change that, but Jason needs his focus right now. 

When he’s sure of himself, when he feels like he can be the team leader again, he sits Jason down on a nearby chair. The other doesn’t protest, doesn’t say anything. He noticed that Jason’s eyes were unfocused. His eyes were working, but they didn’t seem to really be processing much past the initial observations. He decides to focus on that later and turns his attention to the team.

He gives them a lecture about how reckless and stupid that invasion was, how it could have gone terribly wrong in so many ways. It lacks all of the heat that it should, because while he’s incredibly disappointed that they ignored his orders, he’s also proud that they’re working hard to do what they believe is right. Dick is no stranger to ignoring orders to get the job done. 

They’re little invasion also gave them good insight on the situation with The Light, and brought Jason back to them. He can’t be too mad at them for that.

He sends a message to Bruce to meet him at the Watchtower before the ship lands in Mount Justice, to give him time to get there. He doesn’t tell him why, but tells him that it’s urgent and he needs to be there.

Tim looks hesitant to join, but Dick nods at him to follow along. “This is a family matter, and that includes you,” he says. It seems to settle most of Tim’s worries because he smiles and runs over.

Dick is about to override the Zeta tube to have it allow Jason through, but the bioscan recognizes him before he can. Dick had thought Bruce would have removed Jason’s name from the systems, but it’s likely something they all overlooked in their grief. 

When they arrive, it’s clear that the announcement of their arrival has spooked not only Bruce but the other Leaguers in the area, because not only did it call two Robins, it called Jason’s specific authorization, one that had not been used in years, and should not be possible.

“What–,” Bruce is beginning to say, before he catches sight of Jason with no mask, so very clearly the face of the son he’d lost, though aged just a few years. “Jason?”

Jason gives him no verbal response, but his eyes are focused in Bruce’s direction, and he takes a step forward. Bruce matches that step with a hesitant one of his own before he finds the will to take several more. He stops in front of Jason, and Jason doesn’t look up to look at his face, but his eyes are focused on the bat symbol on his chest. 

“B–Bruuu-ce...,” he says. A hand comes up to touch the symbol. “Daaa–d.”

Dick can pinpoint the exact moment Bruce’s resolve crumbles, when he lets himself really hope that this is his lost son, and pulls the boy closer to him in a crushing hug. “Jason, my boy, how is this possible?”

Jason doesn’t respond, and Dick doesn’t know the answers either, but Tim explains to them the invasion on Infinity Island and Jason accidentally revealing himself. Bruce nods at Tim and moves to lead Jason towards the medical area. They want to be sure that this isn’t another situation like with Roy and Will, that this Jason is not a clone created to destroy a still grieving family.

This, sadly, means checking Jason’s grave and seeing if it had been disturbed. Whether they took his body to clone it or even a piece of it, they have to know. Dick doesn’t want to, is terrified of the answer, but knows it has to be done. Tim volunteers for the task, because out of all of them, he knows Jason the least, but Superman stops his and tells them that he’ll check. He can use his x-ray vision to see through the coffin and Jason inside without disturbing the site. It’s a testament to Bruce’s current state that he doesn’t protest and allows Clark to do so with not so much as a warning to only do that and nothing else while in Gotham.

Clark doesn’t say anything as he leaves, just gives them an encouraging smile as he does. Canary says she’s going to Mount Justice to see how everyone is doing and promises that she will be there for them to talk to if and when they feel ready to do so. Dick thanks her and watches her go before registering J’onn’s approach. 

“I could check his mind, if you’d like,” he offers. Dick had considered asking M’gann to do just that, but considering her condition at the time, thought better of it. “There may be answers regarding his return to be found there.”

Bruce looks hesitant to agree, but not even he can doubt that Jason’s lack of response is concerning. He moves aside but keeps a hand on Jason’s shoulder as J’onn stands in front of him and his eyes begin to glow.

None of them are pleased with the frown on J’onn’s face the longer he lingers in Jason’s mind. Eventually, he seems to give up. His face gives away no emotions, as usual, and his eyes are impossible to read, but Dick can see in this slight tenseness of his shoulders that something is off. 

“His mind is fragmented. He is there, but... lost,” J’onn says.

“Can’t you, I don’t know, correct it? Put everything the way it was?” Tim asks. Dick considered the same, but he’s seen enough of M’gann’s powers to know it wasn’t that simple.

“Doing so all at once would likely make it worse. The mind is a fragile thing. Outside interference would only trouble it more. He is not in distress. Were he mentally straining himself, I could ease the burden, but he is not trapped in a memory or suffering. He is simply lost within his own mind. Given time, he will likely find his way out.”

“Did you see anything else? Did you speak to him?”

“To him directly, no. But I did see some of his memories. Not all were... pleasant. I believe it best to wait for Superman’s return.”

“What did you see, J’onn.” There is no question. Bruce is not requesting to be told, he is demanding. “What did you see that Superman is needed here for.”

“I believe I can confirm that he is not a clone. As far as I am aware, there were no ill-intentions in his return. Quite honestly, I am not sure how exactly he was able to return. My best guess is that Jason is a meta and revived himself on his own.”

There’s a heavy silence following that statement. Dick processes it with sharp horror settling in his spine. If this is no clone, if Jason came back to life on his own, if there were no outside forces at play here, then it means Jason woke up in his own coffin and somehow got out.

It’s when Clark returns, looking sick and horrified and confirms their suspicions with the news that there’s dirt in the coffin and a hole in the lid too uneven to have been done by careful hands, that Dick feels the bile rise in his throat. Bruce ripping off Jason’s gloves to reveal scarred fingers makes it all worse. 

They have Jason back with only bits and little to no memory of who he is or who he was, and Dick isn’t sure he wants Jason to remember.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________

Tim Drake is thirteen when he first becomes Robin. The happiness of becoming his childhood hero is followed by the knowledge that he is only Robin because of the death of another.

Dick tells him all about Jason, because Bruce still struggles to get the words out. When Bruce speaks of Jason, it’s fond and loving, but also filled with a sadness that is overbearing and unyielding. Dick is much the same, but he doesn’t hold on to grief the same way Bruce does. Jason’s memory still hurts him, that much is clear, but Dick is capable of focusing on Jason’s life rather than holding on to his death. Alfred also tells him about Jason, with just as much fondness as the others, but Dick’s stories are always the most lively.

Bruce talks about Jason’s time as Robin, because it’s easier for him to talk about it when only in terms of their mission. Dick talks about Jason’s time outside of Robin, outside of the mission. He mentions embarrassing moments and proud achievements and all in between.

It’s because of Dick that he learns about Jason’s adoption. Jason wasn’t taken in to be Robin, to be a vigilante. Jason was taken in Dick had met Jason before his parents’ death, had taken him in as family long before he’d even met Bruce, and when Jason found him as Robin, had approached him in an attempt to confirm his own suspicions. He’d done it on a simple hunch, no actual theories or ideas to go off of, but apparently something about Robin has always felt familiar to Jason so he sought him out.

It was after that story that he learned that Batman didn’t need a Robin. Bruce needed a son, the one he’d lost, and though Tim had stopped doubting their care for him, he knew he could never heal a grieving father’s heart. He could distract from the pain, but he’d never be able to erase it. 

It was similar with the team. He’d noticed their apprehension at first, their occasional sad glances not at him but at his uniform. It was nothing personal, he’d expected as much when he’d decided to take the suit, but they’d never treated him badly so he’d never commented on it.

“There was a time, when before my parents died, that I thought of taking Jason with us when we left Gotham for the next city,” Dick admitted. It takes Tim a moment to remember that Dick isn’t actually from Gotham. Tim, quite honestly, isn’t even sure if Dick was born in the US. He’d never bothered to check. Haly’s circus traveled all over the world, back then. It still did. “It was obvious Jason wasn’t in a good home. The first time I met him, he’d been there because his dad took him. But every day after that? Do you know any other three year old that leave their house and wander through Gotham of all places to sneak into a circus? Granted, he had to be smart and know his way around if he was going to survive with parents like his, but three? Kid was definitely smart for his age.

And I was eight years old and decided he was my little brother, which meant he had to come with us. My parents thought it was hilarious when I first brought it up, and they thought it would be nice if we could bring him, but that’s the key here. If. There was no way we’d be allowed to take a kid away from two living parents, and we didn’t have the legal standing to do it. We were just a family of traveling acrobats. There was no stability for the state to allow it.”

But despite all of that, to Dick, Jason was never a Todd, and sometimes he wasn’t even a Wayne. He was a Grayson, from the day they’d met, and even if Jason didn’t take the name (because it’d rhyme, of all things, something Dick still found hilarious), he was still a Grayson through and through.

“You are too, you know? A Grayson, I mean. It kind of comes with wearing the suit,” Dick tells him. 

“But you didn’t choose me like you chose him. You even gave him the suit. I just took it,” Tim replies. 

“You did, and I’ll admit it scared me at first, but that doesn’t change anything. You’re still family. Grayson, Wayne, Todd, Drake, those are all just names. Anyone could change their name. I didn’t choose you like I chose him, but you’re here, and you’re family all the same.” 

Tim is seventeen years old when they discover that Jason is alive. There’s amazement, at first, seeing that someone who was so clearly dead come back to life. Following that is worry, because this is the return of the beloved son, loved and lost now returned once more. What need for Tim will they have now that Jason is back.

J’onn had told them that it would be best for Jason to remember slowly, on his own. His mind hasn’t caught up with his body and needs time to heal.

It takes them time to figure out how long Jason has been alive. Batman hunts down the groundskeeper for the cemetery and learns that Jason’s grave had been disturbed just months after his passing. They’d covered it up in fear that Bruce Wayne would sue them for allowing his son’s resting place to be disturbed. 

From there, it’s a matter of finding records for a boy matching Jason’s description. They don’t know if Jason made it out of his grave with his wounds all healed or if he woke up still just as broken as the Joker had left him. For certain, all the organs moved around during his autopsy were perfectly in place, perfectly functional, but the scar from the procedure is left behind. It’s a constant reminder that he was, in fact, dead. It’s not uncommon for someone injured to go unnoticed in a place like Gotham, but if Jason woke with his wounds all present, then it had to have raised some flags somewhere.

It’s other scars, clearly surgical in their placement, that prompts them to look into medical records, to search for John Doe’s through every hospital in Gotham in the months after Jason’s death.

In a city like this, there’s dozens each month to go through, but it’s once in particular, in October the same year that Jason was killed, that they find one matching his description. A young boy, looking somewhere between thirteen and sixteen, roughly 5’2” with black hair and blue eyes. Given the years of malnutrition that Jason’s body never properly healed from, the description makes sense. In Bruce’s files, Jason at fifteen was just barely over 100 lbs and a few inches over five feet. No one expected Jason to get much taller. Jason now though, was just about Dick’s height. He wasn’t incredibly tall, but he was definitely much taller than they ever expected he’d be.

Jason was admitted to Gotham General Hospital and received extensive medical care, including surgery on his hands, legs, and torso. His ribs had apparently been broken and punctured a lung. Tim suspects he woke up with his ribs broken and punctured his lung in the process of digging himself out.

From the hospital, because no one claimed him and they could not keep him occupying the space needed to tend to other patients, he was placed in a nursing home. He remained there, comatose, for just about a year, before a missing persons report was submitted. According to the nurse attending to him, when she went to check on him the next morning, he was gone. There were no signs of foul play, no broken door or window, no signs that anyone had entered the room and taken him. It seemed as though Jason just walked out, and never returned.

Of course, the police had more important things to deal with than a missing teen with no name and no records. This was Gotham, some teen on the streets was the least of their worries. 

After his disappearance, the trail runs cold. There is no way of knowing where he went or how he got into Ra’s al Ghul’s hands. All they know is that, without a doubt, this is the Jason they buried.

They all cut back on their time spent on missions after that. Tim had never seen Bruce willingly stay home from patrol, but Dick assured him that this was actually normal. Turns out, Jason didn’t get sick all that often as a kid, but when he did, he’d try to pretend he wasn’t. Bruce always caught him, always tried to talk him out of joining on patrol so that he wouldn’t injure himself, and in the end, would stay home with him because he didn’t trust that Jason wouldn’t still try to go out and follow him. 

Dick always thought it to be hilarious how much Jason could get away with, how they were all putty in Jason’s hands.

“Granted, compared to some of the things I pulled, Jason was a walk in the park. He rarely tried to push B’s buttons. At first it was because he was afraid Bruce would kick him out if he broke something, later it was because he was too busy with school or reading. Me? I’ve broken at least two chandeliers and several antique vases,” Dick told him while they sat in the library with Jason between them. They were looking for a book that would catch Jason’s attention to read to him.

Dick turned to Jason holding up a copy of Moby Dick and sighed when he got no reaction. “Oh, but it’s not like he never caused trouble. I remember once, he was pissed at B for something, can’t remember what for the life of me, but he removed the tires from the batmobile. He got three off, was working on the fourth, when Bruce and I caught him. He didn’t even look surprised at getting caught, just said, ‘That’s what you get, you big boob,’ and kept trying to remove the fourth. He was like, eleven at the time.”

Tim stares at Jason in awe, because it took a lot of gall to take tires off the batmobile, but to be caught and keep doing it? At eleven? Tim is beginning to think that Dick was underestimating how smart Jason really was at such a young age. 

That afternoon, they settled on reading The Odyssey. They’d eventually given up showing Jason books one by one and just laid out a few for him to choose from. 

The next afternoon, they’re scrabbling to figure out where Jason is. It isn’t the first time he’s disappeared on them, the guy is silent and has a habit of wandering whenever he feels like it. Usually, they’ll find him in close proximity to Alfred. Tim remembers the tears the elder had shed at the news of Jason’s return, warning them not to give an old man so much hope before presenting him with Jason himself. 

Alfred has been just as attached to him as the rest of them. He isn’t bothered by Jason’s silence, and it isn’t uncommon to find them drinking tea together in the kitchen.

Now, however, Jason is nowhere near Alfred. He isn’t in his room, or the library, or the living room. It takes them nearly an hour before they run to Bruce’s study, hoping to find the man there, only to find the grandfather clock open instead.

He and Dick barely spare a glance at each other before they race down the stairs.

It’s at the bottom, facing the platform where the batmobile is parked, that they see Jason sitting cross-legged in front of the vehicle with it’s four tires propped up beside him. 

Dick is immediately hysterical, finding absolute joy in the fact that Jason actually listened to their conversation, he processed it, and he replicated what he’d done in the past. This time, he actually finished the job.

Tim takes the time to call Bruce and let him know about the current predicament. “Hey Bruce. So you know how we lost Jason for a bit?”

“You lost Jason?” Bruce asks. Tim ignores the concern in his voice.

“Yeah, but we found him. It turns out, he remembered the code to get into the cave. He also remembered how to use a tire iron,” Tim replies. There’s a silence over the phone, and Tim can’t even begin to imagine the look on Bruce’s face.

“I’ll be right there,” is all he says, and he hangs up just as quickly as he’d answered.

Dick is of no help, instead he calls Barbara to show her what Jason had done, and asks her to pull up the cave’s security cameras to see him do it while he makes sure Jason (at the batmobile, Tim reminds him) is okay.

Barbara was nearly just as happy as Dick was to learn of Jason’s return. Tim doesn’t think anyone was as happy was Dick, not even Bruce or Alfred, but they’re all happy all the same. Barbara stays with Jason on nights when they all go out, not because Alfred can’t, but simply because she wants to. Sometimes she’ll just come by the manor to sit with him.

She does eventually pull up the security footage, after she and Dick are done laughing, and by that time, Bruce is back and looking a mix of exasperated and fond.

“What did I do this time, Jaylad?” 

Jason doesn’t verbally respond, but he hands him the tire iron, and Tim supposes that’s answer enough.

Barbara sends the video to Spoiler and Orphan, Stephanie and Cassandra, who have also come to meet Jason. Stephanie is a friend, and she’s part of their family. She was excited to meet the Robin they never got to know. Cass, who is technically Jason’s sister since Bruce adopted her, is also excited. She doesn’t say it, in so many words, but she definitely shows it. She likes being around Jason, because he’s as silent as she is, and though he doesn’t say anything, she can read him, his movements, however few they are.

Dick shows the video to the team, who all apparently knew the original story and were thrilled to see the repeat. It makes it funnier that it’s been ten years since the first attempt.

It’s been ten years. Jason is twenty-one years old now. It’s been six years since he died, six years since he came back to life. Six years of Tim talking to a glass case that held the suit Jason had died in. Bruce had put it away ever since Jason’s return, not wanted to trigger any bad memories for him by accident. Tim knows it’s a good thing, because the suit was a morbid reminder, still in tatters and covered in his dried blood, but he almost misses the ghost he’d talk to, that would give him the courage to keep going.

Though, the real deal seems so much better, even if he isn’t all there yet. Tim discovers that he doesn’t mind all that much, because he’s gained another brother, one who needs a bit of extra help at the moment, but a brother nonetheless.

It’s already more family then he’d even imagined he’d have.

Jason doesn’t know it, but he’s twenty-one now. He doesn’t know it yet, but one day he will. One day, he’ll realize he’s got a bigger family too.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________

Dick is twenty-seven when he hears Jason call out to him. The name is clear, not the stuttered, broken version they’re used to. It isn’t his last name either, which Jason had latched onto in moments he wanted to get Dick’s attention.

Now, it’s a very clear shout of “Dickie,” and Dick wastes no time in racing towards the call. 

“Dickie!” The call gets louder the closer he gets. Bruce is already in the room, so is Tim, when he arrives. Jason is in hysterics, hyperventilating on the bed and trying to get out of Bruce’s hold.

Dick doesn’t hesitate getting closer and pushing Bruce out of the way. Jason doesn’t hesitate, he launches himself at Dick and clutches at his shirt, holding on to him as tightly as he can. 

“Dickie, you came back. You came back,” Jason shutters into his neck. It takes everything in him not to break down as well, but he allows himself a few tears as he runs his fingers through Jason’s hair and his other hand up and down his back to calm him down.

“I did, Jay. I’m here, I’m back. I promise I won’t let you. I promise, I’ll always come back,” he says.

They stay like that, never moving when Bruce wraps them both in a hug, or when Tim and later Cass eventually join in. Jason, by then, had long since calmed, but refused to let go, and Dick was in no rush to remove him.

Dick Grayson, at twenty-seven, gets back his first little brother for a second time, and feels his family grow larger than he’d ever imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm debating, should I add another chapter? This one kind of got away from me and I didn't want to make it any longer, but I thought maybe something about Jason officially getting to know Tim, Cass, and Steph would be nice? Maybe him remembering Damian?  
> Let me know in the comments if you want a third chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> My first (real) contribution to this fandom! There will be another chapter at some point, I promise, but I spend most of my time at work so I literally only write while doing cardio at the gym or during work whenever I have the time. I hope you like it!


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